New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
