Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
