i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
