My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
