If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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