Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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