dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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