We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
