The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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