I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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