Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
