Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
