Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
