Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
