alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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