Nicole vs. Life
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
