Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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