Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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