glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
