he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
