It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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