All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
