I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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