that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
