dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
