but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
