If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
