I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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