were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
