i was born a porn star she said
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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