she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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