My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
