if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
