I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
