I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
