***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
