Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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