she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
