Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
