he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
