Fine. I'll sleep in my office
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
