i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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