She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
