GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
