Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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