I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
