just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
