imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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