I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
