god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
