as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
