Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
