I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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