i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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