I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
