2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was so not down for the gang bang
I am in a vortex of obligation.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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