I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
