this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
