do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
