Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
