I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
